closets are full of surprises
by ATMhomestuckstalker
Summary: dipper finds bill in the closet (and i am so sorry for this) just trying to get over writers block.
1. Chapter 1

it was a quiet day at the shack, everyone had gone out leaving dipper by himself to wander about the house, while he was walking through one of the first floor hallways he was surprised by a noise coming from one of the closets so he walked closer to investigate when all of a sudden he hear ...laughterbr /"HAHAHAHAA" shocked he began looking around frantically shouting out "bill! where are you, show yourself coward!" "oh pinetree i'm right here, right here in the closet!"

..."bill, what are you doing in the closet" dipper replied skeptically to this, thoroughly confused until he got bills answer "well pinetree you see i did a little RESEARCH on human culture and found out that the most surprising thing to you creatures is when 'someone comes out of the closet' so...prepare to be utterly petrified, because I am coming out of the closet!" his voice grew louder and almost intimidating but when he stepped out of the closet what he was met by was not the fearful look on dippers face but instead ...laughter? "WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT YOU MEATSACK?!" after Dippers laughter died down he tried to remain calm enough but seeing the look on the triangle demons face...body? he lost it again Bill had gone an odd shade of maroony violet that just made the situation the more hilarious with the scrunched up look like the demon was having an aneurysm "what's so funny!, i came out of the closet" within Dippers next bout of laughter bill had heard him say something lie Mabel already came out of there a week ago so nothing new, hmmm could it be that shooting star was able to diminish the frightening power of closet exitry to Dipper, while bill was musing this dipper looked at him once more to see the concentrated look so he took pity and FINALLY explained everything to bill which got him a very mixed reaction of embarrassment, anger, skepticism and confusion as they then got into a debate about the stupidity of humans and 'sexuality choices, and phrasings' but once Bill left to the mindscape Dipper fully realized that he had just had a completely normal conversation with his enemy and could quite possibly never take him seriously as a threat ever again, unbeknownst to him Bill was having similar thoughts elsewhere./p

as the day progressed and everyone came back to the shack Dipper had a few inside jokes about doritos in closets which no one else got until later on in the night when he explained to Mabel as she cackled maniacally next to him as she began knitting a rainbow sweater that may or may not have been for Bill...


	2. pay your bills

dipper pines was sitting at the breakfast table alone sorting through everyone's mail of the day, it seems to have become his job as everyone else was either to lazy or was somewhere else at the time of the mails arrival, which is why he was the only one there for what happened next...  
"ughh let's see... bill, bill, letter from mom and dad, bill, bill, another thank you note from the mayor, bill bil-" "so many bills pine tree, but why don't I get any gold?" dipper jumped at the voice, turning in his seat he fell to the floor as he saw bill floating directly behind him large reflective eye inches from his face "BILL! g-ge-GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" "not until you tell me why pinetree!" dipper was confused "what? why what?!" "why don't i get any gold?!" dipper was confused (it's super effective!) before becoming slightly furious "why the hell should we give YOU any gol-" "don't play dumb with me pinetree, i know about your human custom to pay off "bills" but of all the bills you know WHY DON'T I GET GOLD?!" dipper had a moment where everything went blank before he burst out laughing "don't laugh pinetree! pay your bills! give me gold!" just like last time the demon grew flustered why does this meatsack always laugh when i talk about NORMAL HUMAN CUSTOMS?! he shouldn't laugh! he should beg for forgiveness about being so dense as to not worship bill by now! "WHAT pray tell is so FUNNY NOW?!" dipper gave himself a moment to compose before sitting up on his over turned chair, which was uncomfortable but he pressed on to look at bill and explained what "bills" are for and why Bill doesn't get any money out of them and once more bill turned that shade of violet that just cracked dipper up again "w-WELL I THINK I SHOULD GET GOLD ANYWAY, pay me pintree! pay your bill!" a sudden echoing chant of pay your bill was all throughout the kitchen now it would have been creepy minus the situation it was for so with a smile on his face dipper complied and threw a wadded up one dollar bill at bill, bill flattened it out and looked at it for a while with a scrutinizing gaze before seeming happy and disappearing from the dimension once more.

just a few minutes later mabel entered the kitchen to start on breakfast for everyone, upon seeing dipper sitting on an up-turned chair she asked him what he was doing to which his only reply was a smile and "oh you know, paying some bill bills with dollar bills" he started laughing at his inside joke and mabel just smiled on and laughed with him "haha i don't get it." 


	3. hat trick

the hat trick

it was around 8:30 everyone was down stairs watching reruns of ducktective but dipper decided to stay in his room and see if there was something he could study, he just couldn't quiet his mind tonight so when a flash of yellow came from behind him he couldn't be more excited to turn around and see the anomalous triangle himself

"Bill!" Dipper yelled excitedly but somehow still in a hushed tone like hiding a secret pet couldn't let his grunkles know that Bill is around...wow he must be insane...

"woah kid! didn't know you missed me that much! i knew you loved havin me around!" Bill emphasized with his hands held together in a fake happily surprised pose

dipper swatted at him before thinking what to ask first then he remembered something from the weirdmageddon which even he thought was weird "hey bill what's with your hat?"

bill genuinely looked startled at this pulling his hat off quickly to inspect it "why? something on it pine tree?" he asked flipping it over before shrugging and setting it back atop his pointed head/body...thing? ugh focus one question at a time

"no i mean what is it? when great uncle ford shot a hole through it i saw bone and meat and ughh then it reformed what is it and how did it do that?!" who needs one question only

"ohhohoho that? hahaha i thought this was gonna be something important, like dust" bill vaguely stared off for a moment before snapping out of it note to self ask about dust problem later dipper filed to the back of his mind "well it's a part of my body!" "but then how does it come off? and how did it grow back so quickly?! let alone at all!" "kid dream demon remember i can do anything see?" he proceeded to reshape his body a few times and even detached his legs and juggled them "and as for the regrowth thing? ants" ...wha "wait wait wait ANTS? as in tiny, six legs, insects? you're saying ants regrew your hat?" bill was scoffing like he cant believe dipper doesnt understand this like ants reforming your body was a normal thing and not the weirdest thing he'd heard yet "what don't believe me? take a peek for yourself kid!" he threw dipper his hat to which dipper looked at it scrutinisingly before putting his hand in to feel inside...bad choice his arm jerked out with about a dozen ants crawling over it he screeched totally like a kitten and fell over as bill began cackling after a moment bill finally decided to let dipper be snapped his fingers and all the ants were back in his hat and said hat in his hands

dipper stood and was walking out of the attic mumbling about crawling monstrosities and needing a break when Mabel rushed in after hearing the commotion "gasp! oooh can i try on your hat?!" she beamed excitedly "sure thing shooting star!" bill passed her his hat and dipper was gone. down the stairs and to the living room. just as he sat down on the couch to watch some mindless ducktective Mabel's scream resonated through the house "what was that?!" Stan said startled out of his nap "you really don't wanna know" taking this as meaning a Mabel thing grunkle Stan settled back down and ford put down his space gun... yeah he never leaves that thing behind...now "just a hat trick" he mumbled, he wondered if there were ants everywhere for bill or just in his hat? note to self more questions to ask...


	4. musical triangles

it is three in the morning and dipper just wasn't having this anymore  
bill had appeared in his room about two hours ago literally singing  
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and "if Sunday your free~ will you come with me? and we'll poison the pigeons in the park~"  
and from there it just went on and on currently he was singing the periodic table song...with some added verses...  
"and argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium and chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium~ then of course there's the few that you finally discovered but there's many more and if you ever heard their names your head would explode~"  
when bill finished up he turned to see what dipper thought only to see him smacking his head on a table. he hovered over to dipper "what's the matter pinetree? is it because you want to know the others? it's okay you can hear at least one of them without any head implosions, it's gorathasodachlo-"  
"damn it bill it is four am now i just want to sleep!" "oh pine tree, time is an illusion, or at least it is until time baby comes back then everything's an illusion hahahahaha cause you'll all be dead...get it?, but anyway you got plenty of time to sleep or HANGOUT a little!"  
he emphasized this by changing their scenery to a cliff side "wha-ahhhhhhhhhhh! -umph!" just as dipper fell bill changed it back to the messy bedroom and dipper just lost it  
"is that bill?" mabel called sleepily from the other side of the room, how she didn't wake until just now was beyond dipper "hiya shooting sta-!" he began before being cut off by mabel "hey bill are you a triangle? cause your acute one!" she laughed sleepily before rolling over and snoring again "well i'm obviously a triangle but my shape is certainly not acu-"  
it happened again...bill thought. dipper laughed he could barely see the glowing triangle in the room anymore bill turned that hilarious shade of pink and blipped out of the room with a string of strange words that he was sure weren't meant for childrens ears 'note to self: the best way to get rid of bill is cheesy pick up lines' dipper thought as he laid back down on his bed about to go to sleep...and then his 6:00 am alarm went off... "i hate my life."


End file.
